We are born as pure love but, as life unfolds, we often forget this entirely. When we step into adulthood, many of us repeatedly experience disappointment in our love lives - and healthy joyful love appears to be just beyond our grasp.
Statistics can back me up on this. Over 50% of adults in the US are single now - and the numbers are rising. In the twenty years of owning Thriving Loving Relationships, giving talks and working with clients, I am seeing more and more singles completely jaded on significant relationships.
I’m sure you’ve heard all of the surface reasons people say to explain why they’ve giving up on looking for a mate - or maybe you yourself have said these things: the good ones are all taken, men are going for younger women, I’m too fat now, the conscious people are too few & far between, it’s too hard in my area to find someone, etc.
Let’s Get Honest Here..
And yet, if we get really honest here, none of those reasons tell the whole truth as to why we are not able to attract & create healthy long lasting love with another. This is what got me so fascinated with the best-selling book, Calling in “The One” which really takes on looking underneath the surface - and why I mentored for six months with the author, Katherine Woodward Thomas, to become certified as one of her coaches.
The Calling in “The One” work really goes to very core of things… to the place where we create our experiences - not only in love, but in all of life! You realize that life is not happening TO you, it’s happening THROUGH YOU. We CAN recreate our love experience and lives by really getting this.
You see, all of us tend to live inside a story that shows up with a different name, a different face or different circumstance.. but the same dynamics over and over again. The more we can see ourselves as the source of this story, the more we can step into our power to create something
Our story stems from our beliefs about our own selves - really, at its core, what our self identity is around love, connection - and life itself. It’s just human nature that we adopt false identities about ourselves early on in our childhoods to give meaning to how others had treated us around love (or lack thereof)… often making these experiences out to mean something damaging about our own selves - like “I don’t matter” “I’m not safe in love” “I am unworthy” “I’m unlovable” or “I’ll never be good enough.”
And, our outer experiences - including our love relationships - will always mirror back to us what we believe about ourselves, others and life itself.
So, the work involves getting to the core to realize what these core beliefs & IDENTITY ARE - AND THAT THEY ARE NOT TRUE.. and then, discovering what REALLY IS TRUE.
We Have the Power to Draw in Happy Long Lasting Love
And, as we step into what’s REALLY true & learn how to live from this, we realize we have the power to generate a whole new experience - most particularly, in LOVE!!! We then realize that what we used to label as fundamental flaws are just missing skills and development - and we can develop ourselves & learn new skills to live from our true empowered identity. And, in living from such a place, we can then envision ourselves in healthy thriving love - to become powerfully magnetic to this!
The Calling in “The One” principles and processes are amazingly powerful - and have not only turned around the love lives of many of my clients… but my life, as well!
Now, this all may sound a bit theoretical, so I have gotten permission from a client of mine to recount her story & demonstrate how her practicing this transformational work has completely transformed her love life. I will call her Samantha.
What Does This Work Really Look Like in Someone’s Life?
Samantha came to me really distraught - and signed on to do my 8-week CITO Coaching Program. She had been through a lot of short term romantic relationships since her divorce 10 years prior. She seemed really adept at attracting successful men who had a lot of flare & charisma. They’d start out very attentive to her - and generous w/ their time, but once the courtship evolved to something more exclusive, the attentiveness would vanish - and she’d have to compete for her beloved’s time and attention w/ fifty other things he had going on in his life. One of these short lived romances even ended with her discovering her boyfriend was seeing another woman!
As we dove into the CITO content & processes, we realized that she had a false love identity of “I don’t matter” that stemmed from being raised by an alcoholic single parent mom who would tend to Samantha’s perfunctory needs but would often lock herself in her bedroom at night to drink herself into oblivion. Obviously, her mom’s first priority was alcohol. Samantha unconsciously carried this sad belief about herself into her adulthood. Alas, her experiences in her love life only reinforced these beliefs.
What Turned Everything Around for Samantha
As we dove into uncovering her core identity around love, Samantha realized how very false this idea was that she didn’t matter! She contributes greatly to the world - and has a powerful presence & significance - and she is worthy of being a top priority to any one in her inner circle of loved ones, be that close friends, family, a beloved.. and MOST IMPORTANTLY, to herself!
When Samantha began to really live from this place of her worthiness to be loved and receive her own & other’s full attention, she recognized that she had some missing skills she had not developed. When you live from a place of believing you’re not worthy of attention & love, you’re not going to even bother with recognizing your feelings, needs & desires - let alone express these to another and make requests. Or, if you do, you might do this from an angry place that demands someone to pay attention to you.
So, Samantha set about learning how to recognize her own feelings, needs & desires - and then, developed the skills to make appropriate loving & respectful requests that give the person the courtesy of choice to meet these or not. And, if the answer is “no,” she developed the capacities to be able to negotiate what feels right to both people.
The more Samantha lived from knowing her worthiness and practicing new ways of relating to herself and others, the more she noticed a whole new kind of potential mates being attracted to her. She no longer experienced the short lived “flames” - but men coming forth who really SAW her - and were genuinely interested in who she was. And, they paid attention when she expressed her feelings, needs & desires. These were men who wanted a long-term partnership - not just a quick fling.
Now, here’s the best part, after Samantha completed the Program and some integrative sessions on communication skills, a beautiful man named Jean Paul showed up in her world. Although there was an immediate connection, the two were committed to gradually get to know one another. And, just yesterday, I heard from Samantha that Jean Paul has asked her to marry her. I’m so very happy for them!
Take note of how everything shifted when Samantha was able to identify her core false love identity - and step into what is REALLY true about herself. And, I have other stories that demonstrate the transformation that people who do this work have in their love lives.
This IS Possible for ANY ONE!
As we step into full ownership of our capacity to create our experience from the level of self identity, we can go about the business of living from our empowered place to become magnetic to an amazing mate capable of building a thriving loving partnership with us.
I stand for you to step into your full capacity to be all that you are meant to be in this life time - and draw in a rich and beautiful long lasting partnership that brings out the greatest in each of you!
If You Want to Take This Work Further…
I am about to give an introductory Calling in "The One" workshop online to help people identify their own core love identity & turn these around to become magnetic to love. This two hour workshop is called Love Is Possible No Matter What! - to be offered on January 23rd, 2020. And, on February 20th, 2020, I begin my 8-week Calling in “The One” Group Program in Monterey. You can also take this 8-week Program with me privately at any time any where in the world. (More details HERE.) Kim wants to make sure you make the right decision, so she would like to offer you a free 20 minute consultation which you can sign up for on THIS page.