“The process of change requires you becoming conscious of your unconscious self.” – Dr. Joe Dispenza
So, we’ve been exploring how to recognize when we are emotionally triggered – and have dropped to our wounded child state. We also looked at why it is a bad idea to trust your judgments & thoughts in this state - and to avoid attempting to resolve a conflict with another until you can stop being triggered!
I love this quote by the Founder of the Heartmath Institute,
"We have to become more conscious of our feeling-world. By learning to identify the 'emotional baggage’ and manage our feeling-world reactions, we can view life based on current information instead of being held captive by our past. However, since emotional processes can work faster than the mind, it takes a power stronger than the mind to bend perception, override emotional circuitry, and provide us with intuitive feeling instead. It takes the power of the heart.”
In the last article, we explored the automatic physiological responses when a situation has reminded you of some past wounding or trauma. Not only do you have physical reactions to a trigger, but some involuntary psychological responses will arise as well. Nothing will drop you into the unconscious negative beliefs that you formed years ago faster than a situation that triggers you. You formed these beliefs as a response to something that had traumatized you years ago - particularly about your own self - such as “I am not wanted” or “I am defective,” “I’m not important” or “I’m not safe.” This is a painful place to be operating from – and tends to generate a whole world of experiences to reinforce these beliefs. (Here’s a Forbes article to explain more about this: https://goo.gl/DK5CPS )
Truthfully, we are ALWAYS at choice in how we react and what we feel. Marilyn J. Sorensen, an internationally acclaimed author, says: "Emotions do not come as the result of an observation or an experiment, but rather as the result of the things we say to ourselves ABOUT those perceptions or situations." But, how do we catch ourselves in the act of telling ourselves lies, get back on track – and be able to choose how we want to respond?
That is what I want to explore now – i.e., not only what to do about getting emotionally triggered & how to “manage our feeling-world reactions”- but how can we actually transform and heal from getting triggered?
If we don’t learn what it takes to heal from these triggers, we will forever be dropping into our wounded place every time a similar situation happens! And, when we do this, it becomes almost impossible to see things for what they are – and practice any relationship or communication skills that you may have learned in a truly loving and effective way.
Long time relationship expert, Harville Hendrix, says in Making Marriage Simple: "Since partnership is designed to resurface feelings from childhood, it means that most of the upset that gets triggered in us during our relationship is from our past. Yes! About 90 percent of the frustrations your partner has with you are really about their issues from childhood. That means only 10 percent or so is about each of you right now. Doesn’t that make you feel better?” LOL!
This has been something I have studied and worked with clients around for years! And, not only did I observe such a challenge in other couples – but in my own relationships. So, I really dove into discovering how I could help myself and my clients be able to grow our relationships & help us “off the ledge” of being hijacked by our wounded child when we get triggered! Eventually I came to what I now call my THREE KEYS to not only help us deal with getting triggered but to take advantage of the trigger to heal our own selves & connect with the one we love in front of us on a deeper and more empowered way.
And, instead of going into a lengthy treatise on these keys, I have decided to offer to you a recording of an hour long workshop I created that presents these KEYS. These keys will show you how you can transform from your triggers – and learn how to then step into your Aware Self who has the capacity to be fully present with your beloved and work out anything that needs to get resolved or understood. When you can do this with your beloved, it becomes possible to connect with him/her on a much deeper level – and evolve the relationship.
The workshop is called “Transform Emotional Triggers; 3 Keys to Transform Your Most Challenging Moments in Your Relationship.”
To access this workshop, just go to: http://bit.ly/TransformEmotionalTriggers
Be sure to check out my new & improved services for couples at: www.KimVonBerg.com - and, for singles at: www.ThrivingLovingRelationships.com